secret speaking

Louis #15: The Last Word

2009-04-02T11:01:00.001-07:00

From: Louis Winthorpe III
Sent: September 25, 2008 4:06:05 PM PDT
To: Amy S.
Subject: Re: JOB

Hello Mrs. Amy S.! Look at this, a long time from before. But here we are.

I have just rode through Nevada, Missouri (confusing???!) after departing Iowa/New Mexico and have stopped at a friend's country farm estate to rest and catch up on these good times. Inhale and exhale, right? Good old boys with a good old dog. (Hernando only has three legs!).

Let me get into the meaning of my extraordinary return from the dead (not actual, but was in Mexico). I found your summer camp to be an extraordinay adventure this summer when I visited. But let me tell you: I kept my visit in the darkness so that I would not cause too much excitement. You know how it is. I knew I was popular when De Arr gave me a personalized meeting when I left the tryout. (By the way, he likes girls, right?)? You bet!

NOTICE THIS INFORMATION...: Kids start to look funny when you see them from under a table for four hours. Through a table cloth no less! Can you say hallucinations? I enjoyed the so called mysterious words (I heard of them before) but here is a tip if I may be slightly bold: your teachers should consider keeping better control over the kids by using more volume. VERY NOISY.

Here is something to not take personally. I was angry when I wrote my Mexican postcard because a round salty man was yelling at me in a foreign language.

Anyway, let me know.

Sincerely,
Louis Winthorpe III

p.s. Five months ago Craig the Ozzy sent me an email that was too long for me read. I assume it was about my employment. Can you tell him I will get to it in 1-2 months?

Louis #14: Rejection Denial Denied

2009-04-02T11:00:00.001-07:00

From: Craig E.
Subject: RE: Summer Camp
Date: March 26, 2008 5:09:25 PM PDT
To: Louis Winthorpe III

Louis..

Thank you for your email and from what you penciled about intranet south of the border.. you may be getting this one in a few weeks, so I have been taking my time. Feels nice eh?! breezy even?

In case you do not remember me, I am of slight color that has more of a cinnamon flavor to Irish cream, thus your jokes went past my brain without oversitting. However I like to learn, so thank you for your email educating me on Irish Folk and politics to which I do not understand in this great country.

To answer your question: Learner's can actually take bits of information and process it in any given moment. 2 hours is quite a few moments, and with your backflippin personality, we hope you learned the cupid shuffle.. Down, down, do your thing..

As for this summer, if you did turn up at a site, as fun as it would be to see you, leaving early from our try out did not allow us to see enough to contract you as an official employee this summer. This comes with steps for you to be part of our summer.
1. Because you are not under contract, we would have to invite you to play at our programs. You would need to call me before you visited any site for security reasons.
2. If you turned up without permission, you would be asked to leave by the site office.
3. If you could not leave due to fatigue, they would call the campus security and you would be escorted off the property "hopefully without tazers".
4. If you resisted arrest - well you have seen Law and Order on TV and heck, you just spent time in Mexico..

We love your enthusiasm, talent for living and smooth dress sense. Looking sideways to seeing you soon.

Craig E.
Programs Manager

PS.. DR has a fruity flavor, but would Irish jig on your neighbors cock before being called a fruitcake.

Louis #13: Rejection Denied

2009-04-02T10:58:00.000-07:00

From: Louis Winthorpe III
Sent: Wednesday, March 19, 2008 10:09 PM
To: Craig E.
Subject: Re: Summer Camp

I got this! And yes! I do continue to benefit from my time at Paving The Ways! I hold great enjoyment in me from this, thank you for hoping.

But what was the great deal of personal growth? Did I miss it?

But one question is how exactly am I supposed to continue to benefit from my time there for two hours? Can you tell me that? Let's cut to the cake. No more corporate games. You sound like a GODDAMN REPUBLICAN. (No! I kid! The luck of the Irish. You understand as one. Blarney!)

Oh good lass (St. Patrick reference), I had to leave Paving The Ways early for certain personal reasons I had here in Mexico. That is why I left in a hurry. (But note this: Can I tell you how hard it is to internet here? It's almost sad).

I undesstand that I cannot work right now, but I thought it was in summer anyway, so I have kept my schedule clear for then for now.Thank you again and see you this summer at the site of my choice! Yes! (don't worry, I will apply myself in the summer a great deal as you ask)

Best wishes,
Louis Winthorpe III

p.s. Hey, what is with that Dearr guy? What a fruitcake. (just between you and me)

Louis #12: The Rejection

2009-04-02T10:05:00.000-07:00

From: Craig E.
Subject: Summer Camp
Date: February 12, 2008 11:37:32 PM PST
To: Louis Winthorpe III

Louis,

Please see attached. We hope you got home safe and actually visited the Bangor Library looking for you virtually.

Let me know you got this.

Craig E.
Programs Manager

Louis #11: Postcard From Mexico

2009-04-01T18:33:00.001-07:00

Louis #10: The Tryout

2009-03-30T18:05:00.000-07:00

Louis 9: The Online Application

2009-03-29T10:24:00.001-07:00

Louis 8: The Honor Is All Yours

2009-03-26T22:49:00.000-07:00

From: Louis Winthorpe III
Sent: Friday, December 07, 2007 3:55 PM 
To: Amy S.
Subject: Re: JOB

Dear Amy S.,

I have applied on the SUMMER CAMP WEBSITE. It only took me 87 MINUTES to complete (a new record!) One question about my application: can you tell me? where.

Tell me about this San Diego tryout you mentioned. Is it a formal event? I do have tuxedo pants (shirt missing one arm. hee hee! "never again" he says). Also, I am no stranger to the finer items, (no shrimp please). One thing though: I DO NOT SLOW DANCE. Too slow! And not acceptable teacher behavior. Turn on the Chubby Checker, friend! Twistin!

My story ends with this: I would like to attend your tryout. But is Oceanside the only place for this event? It is far and may take me several months to get there. This is not impossible for me, but it would be physically painful.

Let's do this!

p.s. My Klingon language knowledge will earn raves with all the kids there. Count on this.

p.s.2. Do you know where to find a velcro wallet? It's like, what happened there?!

Sincerely,
Louis Winthorpe III

Louis 7: Clearing Things Up

2009-03-25T04:58:00.000-07:00

From: Louis Winthorpe III
Date: October 28, 2007 5:58:42 PM PDT
To: Amy S.
Subject: Re: JOB

Greetings from highway 1-A! (ironic, isn't it?) And hello Amy S.!

I have made it safely on my journey, finally completely getting all the way to Holbrook Pond. The smell of the sea air is invigorating in my chest. Although I am still 20 miles from it, it is much closer to me now than when I was in Bangor.

One thing I do not understand that I feel we should have clearing on before continuing- who is Lois? Are you referencing me as your Superman? Hee hee! No, that is a joke.

On my resume papers, you will find that when you read it carefully you find it all in there. For example, allow me to reference when I taught school, I taught it for many years with many various aged kids as I was a substitute teacher. ( Are you surprised with my variety?) And let me reference my qualification for your teacher position.

Perhaps you will give me your telephone number so you can call me for once? STOP THE PRESSES!

Love,
Louis Winthorpe III

p.s. the video for your summer camp is frightening! Does training for handling the mobs of angry kids happen? STAMPEDE!

Louis 6: Everyone Is Eligible

2009-03-24T16:03:00.000-07:00

On Oct 5, 2007, at 2:56 PM, Amy S. wrote:
 
Louis,

I noticed that you signed your name Lois, is this a familiar name?

Thank you for your resume. I found it to be a bit vague. It mentioned teaching and home schooling. Can you provide specifics on age groups taught or other qualifications? Also, Can you provide some references?

We will be having a facilitator tryout in January here in CA. Prior to this, applications go online on Nov. 4th you can apply at www.xxxxxx.com.

Are you traveling for work? Where are you traveling? We are in the San Diego area of California. Will you be anywhere close by? I tried to reach you at the library with the information that you provided, but the people that I spoke to were not familiar with you. I even asked about the power surge. I hope that you were not actually electrocuted. That would be unfortunate.

Safe travels.

 Amy S.
Staff Liaison  

Louis 5: The Résumé

2009-03-23T09:12:00.001-07:00

From: Louis Winthorpe III
Sent: Friday, October 05, 2007 6:41 AM 
To: Amy S.
Subject: JOB

Hello Miss Amy,

I apologize for the tardiness of my reply. I was reading your letter just as you sent it to me from the public library and MY power was destroyed. ( There are 40 terminals here and mine was supposedly the only one that broke. It may have been intentional. I am led to believe.Also, I may have been slightly electrocuted. I await doctor results.)

But for now, I am pleased to deliver my resume material here, attached. ENJOY THIS!

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

LOUIS WINTHORPE III
NO TELEPHONE AT THIS TIME
NO HOME AT THIS TIME BUT PLEASE USE THE BANGOR PUBLIC LIBRARY AT 145 HARLOW STREET, BANGOR, MAINE 04401, PHONE 207-947-8336 TO CONTACT ME. THIS IS NORMAL. (ask to talk to a man who uses their computers for usually the full 65 minutes a day and is often in a blue shirt. Also I am sometimes not allowed to use their computers due to when I have overdue charges above 10 dollars (not happened yet, but might)).
WORK EXPERIENCE: SUBSTITUTE TEACHER FOR 30 YEARS. TAUGHT ENGLISH AS SPECIALTY BUT FORCED TO TEACH MANY VARIOUS SUBJECTS DUE TO STRICTNESS OF SCHOOLS (you understand this as one to another). GRADUATED: HOME SCHOOLED BY UNCLE NEKRO WINTHORPE THROUGH COLLEGE.
I HAVE MANY SKILLS FOR TEACHING, BUT THERE WAS ONE TRAGEDY THAT OCCURRED WHEN A TEXT BOOK I WAS HOLDING ACCIDENTALLY HIT A STUDENT IN HIS FACE. I ASSURE YOU I AM STILL A GREAT TEACHER AND HOPE YOU ARE NOT RACIST.

I will be pleased to hear from you.

Love,
Lois Winthorpe III

p.s. I may be on the road for awhile. I will look for more public libraries to continue our relations.

Louis 4: The Challenge

2009-03-21T05:11:00.000-07:00

On Oct 3, 2007, at 8:44 AM, Amy S. wrote:
  
Louis,

You can attach your resume to your reply to this email. If you're unsure
of how to attach, you can fax your resume to the office here. The fax
number is xxx-xxx-xxxx. Just fax it to attention Amy. THIS IS THE
NEXT STEP!

Local is the way to go if you're trying to loose weight. Congrats on
your accomplishments!

Have a great day!

Amy S.
Coordinator and Staff Liaison

Louis 3: And I am

2009-03-20T08:32:00.000-07:00

-----Original Message-----
From: Louis Winthorpe III
Sent: Tuesday, October 02, 2007 9:09 PM
To: Amy S.
Subject: Re: JOB

Hello Miss Amy,

First of all, YES YOU ARE! I cannot deny that.

I am not sure who Dan Akyryod is or the movie Trading Places, but I will ask my friend who is something of a movie buff (she owns 48 tapes and 7 tape discs! I only own 4, personally myself. Have you seen Daddy Daycamp? Intense!) You know though as the choir from the preacher about camps though, yes?

For the record, I do not think you are a stalking. Is that some insult that is new because I have been out of loop from my kids? I WOULD NEVER MEAN TO SAY THAT. I hope this is not a test! (winky!)!

Also I am local. It is funny you asked because I have been on a diet for several months. Eating no buns cuts down on my former problem. But this is in my past and am 200 pounds lighter now. (nearly). Also no shrimp.

Now let's get to matters at hand. First of all, as you know I am all business. I find myself interested in a teacher position with your company. Like my students used to say, "You are not like my other teachers!" I confirm this. Do you get what I mean? I think we're on the same page here.

I am part time now, I appreciate your interst.

Warmest regards,
Louis Winthorpe III

p.s. I do have a resume that I can send to you. Where do I send it?

Louis 2: And You Are?

2009-03-19T17:11:00.000-07:00

On Oct 2, 2007, at 11:59 AM, Amy S. wrote:

Louis,

Thank you for your interest in our company. Do you have a resume that you can send to me? What type of position are you interested in specifically?

I was not sure what you meant by "I am not a stocking." Did you mean to say stalker. Are you local? Are you looking for full time or part time employment?

Did you know that you have the exact same name as a character in the movie Trading Places played by Dan Aykroyd? That's a fun fact!

I look forward to hearing from you and thanks again for your interest.

Amy S.
Coordinator and Staff Liaison

Louis 1: Hello

2009-03-18T10:38:00.000-07:00

-----Original Message-----
From: Louis Winthorpe III
Sent: Tuesday, September 18, 2007 8:54 AM
To: Amy S.
Subject: JOB

Hello Miss Amy,

Allow me to introduce myself. I am Louis Winthorpe III. I am here to seriously entertain you for my offer of work.

It is time.

By the way. I AM NOT A STOCKING. I was referred to you by the internet screen.

Allow me to inform you of my history. Many years ago I was the best teacher in my school, some would even say my school and its sister school. Then there was tragedy. I mishandled a text book and threw it at a student. This was unfortunate as I lost my employment, and more importantly, my job. (Yet I feel the accident was preemptive poetic justice, as I heard the student was later accused of showing up tardy four times in one semester.)

For too long I have been sitting here in my most comfortable chair, and now I am ready to have the energy of teaching again. LET'S MAKE THIS HAPPEN. You know you feel this.

So pick up the phone and wait for my call. I will be waiting.

Warmest regards,
Louis Winthorpe III